Satsang Prayer of Rehnquishment By Dr. G. R. Vijayakumar

Satsang Prayer of Rehnquishment By Dr. G. R. Vijayakumar
Prayer of Rehnquishment

By Dr. G. R. Vijayakumar

'What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to Him.'

Like most Sai devotees, when I first began active experi­mentation with prayer to Sai Baba, I was full of questions, such as: Why are some agonizingly sincere prayers granted, while others are not? Today I still have questions. Mysteries of Sai Baba are always ahead of present knowledge - luring, beckoning on to further experimentation. But one thing I do know - I learned it through hard experience. It is a way of my prayer to Sai Baba that has resulted consistently in a glorious answer, glorious because each time power beyond human reckoning has been released. This is the prayer of relinquishment.

I got my first glimpse of it in the fall of 1985. I had then sustained an injury to my right shoulder and the arm was out of use for over two months. Long immobilization practically made me unable to lift the right limb above the chest-level. A bevy of specialists and physiotherapy seemed unable to help. Persistent prayer to Sai Baba, using all the faith I could muster, had resulted in nothing.

One afternoon, a pamphlet was put in my hands. It was the story of a missionary who had been an invalid for eight years. Constantly she had prayed that God would make her well so that she might do his work. Finally, worn out with futile petition, she prayed: 'All right, I give up. If you want me to be an invalid, that is your business. Anyway, I want you even more than I want health. You decide'. In two weeks the woman was out of bed, completely well.

This made no sense to me, yet I could not forget the story. On the morning of 18th October 1985 - how can I for­get the date? - I came to the same point of abject acceptance. 'I am tired of asking' was the burden of my prayer. 'I am beaten through, Sai Maharaj; you decide what you want for me'.

My wife suggested that we go over to Bangalore as my sister, Mrs. Usha Ranganathan, was returning to India from USA. We could not only receive her but also participate in the 'Punya Thithi' celebrations at Sri Sai Spiritual Centre, Bangalore on November, 23rd and 24, 1985. I told her that if Saipadananda Radhakrishna Swamiji gives mean indication that I should be present at the Mahasamadhi Celebrations' we would surely go over to Bangalore. I had no faith as I understood faith, expected nothing. The gift of my sick-self made me say these with no trace of graciousness.

The mail brought me a deluxe invitation from Sai Spiri­tual Centre, Bangalore. It was unexpected as well as surprising because I am not a member of the centre. Sai Maharaj and Gurudev Radhakrishna Swamiji greeted me and beckoned me to be present at Bangalore for the Mahasamadhi Celebrations and Kumbabhishekam of the renovated temple. The riddle of my getting this V. I. P. invitation was solved by Mr. S. P. Nanjunda Mudaliar, then President of Sai Spiritual Centre, later at Shirdi in February 1986. He told me that Sai Baba prompted him to dispatch invitations to all Sai bandhus who had contributed articles to the Souvenir of the forthcoming Devotees' Convention. As my article too found a place in the Souvenir, I got an invitation to attend the Mahasamadhi Celebrations.

As I saw the invitation for Mahasamadhi day as well as the 'Kumbabhishekam' of the Sai Spiritual Centre, tears flowed. It was as if I had touched a button that opened windows in heaven, as if some dynamo of heavenly power began flowing.

Within minutes I had experienced the presence of the living Sai Baba and Radhakrishna Swamiji in a way that wiped away all doubt and revolutionized my life. From that moment my recovery began.

We journeyed to Bangalore on the night of November 19th 1985. We were stunned to see the magnificent change that had come at the Sai Spiritual Centre. As I offered my obeisance to Sai Maharaj and Swamiji, a surprise awaited me. I could lift my arm. There was no more the disability.

As I sat in a corner of the Centre, Sai Baba was try­ing to teach me something important about prayer. Gradually, I saw that a demanding spirit, with self-will as its rudder, blocks prayer. I feel that the reason for this is that Sai Baba absolutely refuses to violate our free-will that, therefore, un­less self-will is voluntarily given up, even Sai Baba cannot move to answer prayer.

In time, I gained more understanding about the prayer of 'Relinquishment' through the experiences of others in conte­mporary life and through Sai Satcharitra. Sai Baba's life is a pattern for us, I learned. He could have avoided his Asthmatic attacks. He did not have to give up his body for three days on the lap of Mahlsapathy to get rid of Asthma. He had the power, but Sai Baba used His free will to leave the decision to 'Allah-Malik'. Sri Junnerkar in his novel on Sai Baba 'THE MISSION DEVINE' brings Sai Baba's prayer into focus for us. "Dear Allah, all things are possible to you, please let me not suffer from these attacks of Asthma. Yet it is not what I want, but what you want".

The prayer was not answered as the human Sai Baba wished. Yet power has been flowing from His tomb at Shirdi ever since. Even as he was suffering from repeated attacks of Asthma, Sai Baba never forgot the presence or the power of God. The prayer of 'Relinquishment' must not be inter­preted negatively. It does not let us lie down in the dust of a God-less universe and steer ourselves just for the worst. Rather it says: 'This is my situation at the moment. I will face the reality of it. But I will also accept willingly what­ever a loving father sends'. Acceptance therefore never slams the door on hope.

It is good to remember that not even an expert cowherd can lead if the cows have not this trust and insist on running ahead of him or taking side paths or just stubbornly refusing to follow him. That is why Sai Baba commended: "Cast your burdens on me. I shall surely carry them". Our pliability must be complete, from our wills right on through to our actions. So Mother Sathya Kapoor, wife of Sri P.K. Kapoor, 1121, Chah Rabat, Delhi - 110006, found as she wrestled in prayer years ago. Their only child Rachna was seriously ill. The attending physician warned that unless the young girl's fever abated before morning she would die.

As Mother Sathyaji sat by Rachna's bed her thoughts went to what her husband had said earlier that day: "I can­not endure the alternations of hope and fear, therefore I have settled with myself not to hope at all". But the mother could not share Kapoorji's hopelessness. Rachna could not, must not die. This daughter has a fine mind and attractive features. Why should some capricious providence demand that they give her up?

As the night deepened, the girl lay so still that she seemed to be in the ante-room of death. The mother went to the window and looked out. There was no moonlight; a dark and silent sky was heavy with clouds.

"I cannot bear this loss - cannot - cannot...... .," Then suddenly, unaccountably, another thought took over, "Why should I doubt the goodness of Sai Baba? Let him take Rachna, if he sees best, I can give her to him. No, I won't fight against him anymore".

Then an even stronger thing happened. Having made the great sacrifice, Mother Sathyaji expected to feel sadder. Instead she felt lighter, happier than at any time since Rachna's illness had begun.

Some minutes later, she walked back to the girl's bedside, felt her daughter's forehead. It was moist and cool. Rachna was sleeping naturally. And the mother rushed in to the next room to tell her husband that a miracle had happened.

Now the intriguing question is: What is the spiritual law implied in this prayer of 'Relinquishment' ? Fear is like a screen erected between us and Sai Baba, so that His power cannot get through to us. So how does one get rid of fear? This is not easy when the life of someone dear hangs in the balance, or when what we want most is involved. At such times, every emotion, every passion, is tied up in the dread that what we fear most is about to come upon us. Obviously only drastic measures can deal with such a gigantic fear and the demanding spirit that usually goes along with it. My experience has been that repeating ?OM SAI SRI SAI JAYA JAYA SAI' as a faith affirmation is not drastic enough.

So then we are squarely up against the law of relinquishment. Was Sai Baba showing us to use this law when He said: "Why fear when I am here" In Sai's eyes, fear is evil because it is acting out of lack of trust in Him. So he is advising: "Resist not fear". In other words, Sai Baba is saying, admit the possibility of what you fear most. And lo, as you stop feeling, force yourself to walk up to the fear, look it full in the face - never forgetting that Sai Baba and His powers are still the supreme reality-the fear evaporates. Drastic? Yes. But it is one sure way of releasing prayer power into human affairs.